First, I wasn’t allowed to have an opinion. I was taught to obey commands without question. My male guardian was a bit of a title. I was basically raised to be a slave. When I was forced to give the guitar back that my cousin had given to me I sort of snapped. My defiance got worse in order to increase the severity of the discipline. At some point I was whipped so severely that my guardian became my master and after that I didn’t want to think for myself anymore. I only wanted to obey my owner. There was peace in those moments of total submission. But such conditions are difficult to maintain.
When I lived under those conditions I was happy to get out of title. But within a short time I was looking for elements of what I had experienced as a child in my relationships. So I guess I have always pushed my relationships in that direction. Though most people couldn’t claim that kind of power over another person, there are a few that can. There was a successful independent business woman that had just sold her business and was looking for a new project. I was a long haired bohemian type who was traveling the country.